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Archive for November, 2006

28 but could be more if I was not working lol!

November 16th, 2006 at 07:08 pm

1. I was born in Calgary, Alberta Canada and was born three months too early weighing only 2 pounds. My mom tells me that the doctor wanted her to abort me three times and she said no each time.
2. I am almost profound Deaf with tiny helps from hearing devices and have been that way since birth. After I was born, the medical care kept insisting I tend an institute and not general school. My family moved to the US so I can go to normal school. After all I am only deaf and nothing else.
3. Doctor thought I was mental handicap when I was little. Every time they clap behind my head, I responded so they thought I could hear. Little did they know that I felt the wind from the clapping?
4. I know 3 different sign language in ASL, SEE, and PSE. I can speak and write English.
5. I have a rare gift of being able to speak clearly with the degree of my deafness.
6. At age 3, I heard my very first sound! A famous Opera Singer was on Television and my Grandma turned it all the way up!
7. I have moved more than 40 times by age 30.
8. Age of 3 a kitten has found me and followed me home, she was my cat for 20 years and passed away one month before I got married.
9. I have a new little guy who is 2 years old name Dexter. But the cat only goes by “Sweetie”.
10. At age 9, I had lunch with President Reagan and performed for him with a group of other deaf students signing the song “Over the Rainbow” in Washington D.C.
11. The following year, my homemade card was one of the 4 chosen to be sent to the President for Valentines Day (Girl Scout Project). It was made of felt cut in the shape of my hand and I turned it into an “I Love You” sign language image.
12. In High school I was incredibly shy but yet was involved in clubs, Art shows, poetry reading and was on the dance team.
13. Another high school moment, despite my deafness I joined the Choir. Someone mentioned to a teacher that I wanted to sing so he had me sing the ranges and said I matched every pitch perfect. At the end of the year, I won the award for the most improved. Never did sing after that.
14. My mom is one of my soul mates despite that we were very poor growing up.
15. I attended a University in Montana for 4 years majoring Graphic Design. My biggest regret is that I never finished so degree.
16. Out of a spontaneous moment, I decided to move to California without any real planning. I was naïve and had absolutely no idea I chose one of the most expensive place to live. I got rid of my car and things and flew to California with only two suitcases and only $600. I had no job and know no one! After 9 years I am still here with a great job, great boyfriend, and cute cat enjoying the weather. But it was nothing but culture shock and daily challenges.
17. I married a deaf man at age 22. I jumped into the marriage with unsure feelings. I left 5 years later for my safety.
18. I attended College in California but with a new major in Dental Hygienist. I completed my AS degree in Science first. However after completing my science degree before going into the dental hygienist program, I decided I fell in love with the Occupational Therapist program. Hey it’s Science and Art together after all.
19. I never stop dreaming about going back to school to finish a degree in Occupational Therapist. I don’t know if that will ever happen.
20. I sold a new full size pick-up truck for a firebird. I wanted to break free from the Montana girl and change into the California city girl.
21. I finally accepted that I can move out of Montana but I can never take the Montana out of me.
22. I love drinking hot coffee and eat cold ice cream at the same time.
23. Technology keeps getting better and better every year for me. I am a computer geek and my life changed forever with text messaging. I am now almost equal when it comes to communicating with the general public since I can not hear the phone. Internet is amazing, when I am on it, I am no longer deaf.
24. I enjoy getting flowers and often buy myself flowers
25. Cooking Light is a magazine I prescribe to (70 cents per magazine) and actually try to cook dishes from their menus.
26. After proclaiming that I never thought I would want to get married again after a bad marriage, I meet someone special and just can’t wait to be with him everyday. I even desire children with him.
27. Question I hate to hear people asking me: Can you drive? How I respond: I do drive better without the blindfolds on.
28. I should be working right now!

Update regarding my Grandmother's service

November 13th, 2006 at 07:17 pm

I bought my plane ticket on Sunday! I dipped it from my savings and it was taken from the extra principle money I was planning to pay my debts on top of my regular monthly payments. This way I did not have to dip in my emergency fund and would just mean a month or two longer than anticipated to be finally debt free. I am okay with this as family is important and my mother needs to know I am there for her.

The ticket was significantly cheaper this time around, only 505 dollars! That is more than $200 saving compared with my last two last minute flight to Montana. This surprised me as the last two tickets, I received bereavement discount and this time I did not. Also surprised it's not so high since it's so close to Thanksgiving holiday.

I am feeling better now but I am realizing now that I am not going to see my Grandma again in reality. I have procrastinated on some letters to send to her so for those who are reading this, send a letter to your loved one that are far away ASAP!

family, guilt trips, finances, the whole thing

November 10th, 2006 at 08:35 pm

I couldn't come up with a title so I just put it as is. Too many things tugging my mind today.

Just found out that my Grandmother’s services are on Sunday, November 19th.

On that day I was supposed to work and set up a 30th birthday party for my Autistic roommate. Very loveable guy. He has a vocabulary of about 10 words and says "Party! Me!" all day long for the last few days. He is soo looking fwd to his party. He does not quite understand that I am moving out. Every time a Staff leaves or quit. He thinks they died and can not stop talking about them for at least 6 months. I plan to visit him from time to time but I can promise anything but it’s enough to feel bad for leaving such a loveable guy.

Talked to mom on the phone, definite can tell that she misses me too much! She wants me there at the service but also to hang out together as she feels she lost me when I moved to California. We were super close growing up as it was just the two of us going through many years of extreme hardship and pain but gave each other reasons to keep going. Again did I mention, she really wants to see me soon? She also mentions I gotten to become my client's family (Autism guy) as if I was picking him over her! Sigh...

I am having been working two full time jobs for the past years. Its tough and finally taken it's toll on me. I gave my resignation notice to my job with the Autistic man. I love him but it’s taken all my time away from my BF whom I really want to be with and very ready to move on. It was tough decision because I am used to having to survive on my own, hence the two jobs.

I had a goal to be totally debt frees this December but it kind of gotten prolong because of the expensive ticket to my Grandfather's funeral not too long ago and some car repairs. Now again for my Grandmother's funeral. I may sound selfish here and I probably am but after working my butts off and giving more than 150% of myself to pay the dang thing off, I am getting even more determined each day I am closure to getting it paid off... It’s like I become a stingy animal...

A couple of months ago I requested to have the whole week of the thanksgiving week off. It was a secret from friends because I intended that time to thaw out and rest, move out of the house into my bf house preparing for a new chapter in my life.

My BF mentioned to me many times and I mean many! That he was so excited to share our first Thanksgiving together.

Grandma! Well it’s hard... I don’t cry or feel like I need to talk about her to a life person so much and I am still going through the days like its normal. But yeah! I miss her a lot! But I have missed her long before she died. We were super close when I was little. Often took a month vacation to stay with her in the summers and we always loved to talk, talk and talk. She was healthy the last time I saw her (2-3 months ago) but I am assuming the heartbreak got to her... Just found out she had 10 heart attacks in the last three weeks alone! I don't blame her for wanting to die. At least all her children were there with her till the very end.

First my brother, then my Grandfather, and now my Grandmother... It keeps getting harder and harder to go back home to Montana. It just never the same but I am sure I changed so much and in my family's eye's I am never the same either.

I do value my family. It just keeps getting harder and harder with responsibilities every year I get older.

I don’t know if I am going to Montana or if I should stay? All I can do now is pray about it and see where it leads me. I hope I know this weekend.


If you read it this long... wow! but thanks for letting me vent.

Died from a Broken Heart

November 9th, 2006 at 10:12 am

In August of this year, My Grandfather passed away.

I just got a call that my Grandmother died yesterday. They said she wanted to as she could no longer deal with the pain anymore. They have been married over 60+ years.

It’s bittersweet, sweet that they found real love and had a lifetime of it together. Sad that one had to suffer from being apart while on Earth.


*********** This is going to seem really shallow of me. It was quite expensive to get a flight to my Grandfather's memorial. ($+600! and that is with the discount) I used up all 5 days of bereavement leave that was provided by my work.

I was informed that the airline will not give out anymore bereavement leaf discounts because of security cost. I am not sure if that is totally true. This will prolong my debt free deadline. Family is important and Thanksgiving I was planning to be with my BF. So now I need think when the shock wears off on how I can be supportive and know what I should do.